Useful phrases 1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 3. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 4. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 5. Ahhh,I see the $%^*!-up fairy has visited us again. 6. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 7. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 8. How about never? Is never good for you? 9. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 10. You sound reasonable....it's time to up my medication. 11. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 12. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. 13. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 14. Who me? I just wander from room to room. 15. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. 16. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. 17. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. 18. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date... * I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. * I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you. * I used to come here all the time with my ex. * I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it. * Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour. * I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look. * It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

It's always difficult to bring sad news, but I thought you should know: Yesterday, there was a great loss in the entertainment world. Ernie Snodgrass, the man who wrote the song, "Hokey Pokey" died. What was really horrible was that they had trouble keeping his body in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and... well, you know the rest.

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy, what's your name?" "Sam," the man moaned. "Where ya from, Sam?" said the cop. With pain in his voice, Sam replied, "the balcony."

There's a bear and a rabbit in the woods and they come across a golden frog, they think this is an amazing discovery and they are even more amazed when it talks to them. The golden frog admits that he doesn't often meet people, but when he does he gives them six wishes. He tells them that they can have 3 wishes each. The bear immediately asks that all the other bears in the forest be female. Which the frog immediately does. The rabbit after thinking for a while, asks for a crash helmet and one appears, which he places on his head. The bear is amazed at this, but carries on with his next wish ,he asks that all the bears in the neighboring forests be female as well, and thus it is so! The rabbit then wishes that he could have a motorcycle, it appears before him, and he climbs on board and starts revving the engine. The bear cannot believe it, he remarks to the rabbit that he has wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, he makes his final wish, 'That all the other bears in the world be female as well.' The frog replies that it has been done and they both turn to the rabbit for his last wish. The rabbit revs up the engine and thinks for a second, and then says, "I wish for the bear to be gay!" and promptly drives off as fast as he can!