The history of the Presidency of the United States has been a popular topic of many academics and amateurs alike. We, as a country, have been indeed very fortunate to have the various Presidential libraries as a repository for the invaluable records of in depth research. Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library, the George Bush Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

President and Mrs. Clinton are in the front row at a Yankees game. The row behind them is taken up with Secret Service agents. One of them leans over and whispers in the President's ear. Mr. Clinton pauses, then grabs Hillary by the scruff of the neck and heaves her over the railing. She falls 10 feet to the top of the dug out, kicking and screaming obscenities. The President shakes hands of those near him and gets 'high five's'. But the Secret Service agent leans over again and whispers, "Mr. President, I said, they want you to throw out the first PITCH!"

The Bauer-y Boys: "John McCain picked up the endorsement of former GOP presidential rival Gary Bauer, who called him the party's 'best shot' at winning the White House. George W. Bush shrugged it off, saying it was no big deal and promising to land the endorsement of Eddie Bauer by the end of the week."

When Bill Clinton completed 5 years of his Presidency, he wanted a special postage stamp issued with his picture on it. He so instructed Hillary, stressing that it should be of international quality. The stamps were duly released and Clinton was pleased. But within a few days of release of the stamp, he began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and he became furious. He called Hillary and ordered her to investigate the matter. Hillary checked the matter out at several post offices, and then reported the problem to Clinton. She said: "There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is people are spitting on the wrong side".

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Clinton appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Clinton country!" "Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country

GOVERNMENT CONTRACTING GLOSSARY CONTRACTOR: A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING: A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER: A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. ENGINEER'S ESTIMATE: The cost of construction in heaven. PROJECT MANAGER: The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union. CRITICAL PATH METHOD - A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control. OSHA: A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a shotgun. STRIKE: An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken. DELAYED PAYMENT: A tourniquet applied at the pockets. COMPLETION DATE: The point at which liquidated damages begin. LIQUIDATED DAMAGES: A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible. AUDITOR: Person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded. LAWYER: Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.

A peek at the upcoming tax season!! Gross pay: $1222.02 Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax 244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89 County Tax City Tax Rural Tax Back Tax 6.11 12.22 4.44 1.11 Front Tax Side Tax Up Tax Down Tax 1.16 1.61 2.22 1.11 Tic-Tacs Thumbtacks Carpet Tacks Stadium Tax 1.98 3.93 0.98 0.69 Flat Tax Surtax Ma'am Tax Parking Fee 8.32 3.46 2.60 5.00 No Parking Fee F.i.c.a. T.g.i.f. Life Ins. 10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85 Health Ins. Disability Ability Liability Ins. 16.23 2.50 0.25 3.41 Dental Ins. Mental Ins. Reassurance Coffee 4.50 4.33 0.11 6.85 Coffee Cups Calendar Floor Rental Chair Rental 66.51 3.06 16.85 4.32 Desk Rental Union Dues Union Don'ts Cash Advances 4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69 Cash Retreats Overtime Undertime Eastern Time 121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00 Central Time Mountain Time Pacific Time GMT 8.00 7.00 6.00 24.00 Bathroom Time Time Out Oxygen Water 4.44 12.21 10.02 16.54 Electricity Heat Air Conditioning Misc. 38.23 51.42 46.83 144.38 Take Home Pay: $0000.02 (this is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from)